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What to say to friends battling infertility

What to say to friends battling infertility


Infertility— such a personal and sensitive topic, but one that affects so many. Whether they are open about it or not, we likely all know someone who is walking this journey. Oftentimes we can be left searching for the right words of comfort and strength for the infertility warriors in our lives. But don’t let that searching lead to silence! Your encouragement can make a world of difference. 

Not sure how to voice your support? Here are a few starting points:

  • This isn’t fair. Your feelings {sadness, anger, loneliness} are valid.
  • I’m so sorry! {a sincere, heartfelt acknowledgement can go a long way}
  • I want you to know I am here for you.
  • If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.
  • Whatever path you decide to take, you know what is best for your family. You have my full support.
  • You are enough, just as you are.

As well intentioned as we might be, some of the things we say can be hurtful to hear. Try to avoid saying things like:

  • At least you don’t have {insert any unwanted pregnancy symptoms here, from stretch marks to nausea}!
  • Why don’t you *just* adopt?
  • You should adopt and then you’ll get pregnant!
  • Have you tried {eating more salmon, this essential oil, etc}? That worked for my friend’s sister!
  • You’re lucky you don’t have kids yet, just enjoy being able to sleep in and travel.
  • But you already have a child.
  • You can always just do IVF!
  • You are still so young...just relax, there is plenty of time.
  • Well so and so had to try for 10 years to have kids and you’ve only been waiting for 3!
  • If you would just relax/quit worrying/stop stressing, I know you’d get pregnant!

 Still at a loss for words? Actions speak just as loud. Try:

  • Following up on big days! Whether it’s egg retrieval or a big home study visit, let them know you’re thinking of them.
  • Consider giving them a heads up via text before announcing your pregnancy. Thoughtfully letting them know and giving them time to process can go a long way.
  • Inviting them to baby showers, dinner parties, or other get-togethers! But be understanding if they choose not to attend.
  • Take some time to do a little research! If they are going through fertility treatments, IVF, or the adoption process, a friend that can have true discussion means the world.
  • Let them know you’re dropping off lunch/dinner/or dessert and ask if they have any requests for that day!
  • Celebrate the little wins! On the long and daunting walk of infertility, the small positive moments mean everything.

Infertility can be a scary word— let’s not make it an isolating one. When we come alongside our loved ones as they fight to grow their families, we can make the long + difficult road of infertility just a little less lonely.

To all of the {infertility} warriors in our community--you are seen, you are loved, and you are celebrated. We recognize your strength, your bravery, your patience...even when you can’t see it yourself.